Man accidentally runs over wife twice
Distraught man then shoots himself. Twice. In the back.
Jennings Mourners Vowing to Quit Smoking
Finally something worthwhile to attribute to his career
Pedestrian toll tops vehicle deaths in Brazil city
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalks
High-tech solution to roaming cows
Bill gives Hillary "invisible fence" collar
Research grant boosts future of chocolate supply
Willie Wonka's lobbying pays off
Doubt a man's masculinity and he'll get macho
Then Elton John should be the another John Wayne right about now
Scientists work out why cornflowers are blue
Major advance in cornflower studies. Researchers unable to find anyone who cares.
Lutherans Reject Easing Gay Clergy Rules
Strictness insures Lutherans will have the best Gay clergy in the world
Bush Motorcade Passes War Protesters
But not overtop like most Americans wanted
3 Wives Greet British Man After Surgery
New surgery scheduled to remove 3 feet from man's behind
And that's it for headlines today. Don't forget to vsit the usual suspects, basil, Moe, and The Capitalist for more headliney goodness!