Gitmo detainees go on a hunger strike. Michael Moore checks into a fat farm. Coincidence? Yeah probably but only if we allow it.
Using every ounce of my journalistic fact-finding abilities, I have discovered from the comfort of my den what the real reason is for the hunger strike. Allah hates fat people. That’s right. The Gitmo detainees are fully aware that Allah does not allow his 72 virgin prize to be wasted on fat sweaty slobs.
Yea though the obese may martyr themselves against the infidel, Allah will not suffer a single virgin to reward he who is like unto a pig. Verily woe be unto you, porker. –book of Bool Shiite somewhere in the Koran.
Three squares a day with entrees like Orange Chicken tends to go straight to the butt of most Islamofacist detainees, especially if all they do is read and pray. Rather than exercise, which would make it appear to the outside world that the U.S. actually cares about their health, the detainees have decided to starve the weight off.
And while Michael Moore has never met a donut he didn’t like, he has also never met an Islamic terrorist he didn’t want to emulate. So in solidarity to his Islamic freedom fighting brethren Moore is trying to ditch his gut but not actually starve in the process.
This has been a Precision Guided Humor Assignment