jimiizrael.com: Notes on The Myth of the Ineligible Black Man, re: The Washington Post joint "Singled Out"
I was surfing and wound up at jimiizrael.com. The eponymous jimi had this review on a series of articles by WaPo on the myth of the ineligible Black man. He has some very interesting things to say about the series and the most recent post in particular which just happened to have been written by a woman. She laments the lack of quality black men in bars.
Like most of the women in these kinds of pieces, Robyn's not REALLY looking for a husband. Not in a nightclub, because that would be ridiculous. Nobody smart looks for a life-mate in a nightclub. If the chances of you finding a suitable husband just out in the street are low, how much lower are they in a situation where the main objective is to meet someone to take home for the night? The same place you go looking for a husband is the same place pimps go to turn-out housewives and strip-bar managers recruit. Square biz. It's true, people find their life-partners in nightclubs. People hit the lottery too. But the odds are not in your favor.
I agree 200%. I think women, especially working women decide to unwind and go clubbing. When they get there they start sizing up the men as potential life mates, prizes that become more desirable and accessible the more they drink. And then they wonder why their great catch turns out to be a womanizing drunken bum. Well I got news for you. He was always a womanizing drunken bum. That's the kind of guy that hangs out in bars waiting for women. Hard working men are home sleep.
But there are other issues too.
The rest of the post is below the fold. Go to the end of the post and click "We want to read more!"
Reading the Post joint, next thing you know, Robyn meets a nice cat, really digs him and ends up breaking things off because of their class differences, he's "too ghetto" you see. Class, like race, is a social construct. People come to you with prejudices about your background that they will dispose of, overcome or embrace. Class is mostly in your imagination anyways. Class is about the ability to get down with people from all walks of life. Turns out that some of Robyn's friends didn't dig her ex-boyfriend.
Nothing sinks the "Love Boat" faster than extra weight provided by well meaning friends and relatives. Momma may not like his background and girlfriend is sure he is a playa still but momma and girlfriend aren't the ones needing to makcommitmentttment and they won't be reaping the benefits of your long-term relationship. So what is their stake in this? Nil.
And jimi doesn't let the women off easy with their complaints about the quality, of black men. He lists some qualities that just might identify women as the problem and make them ineligible:
- If you have a law degree and can't cook or clean without whining about it, you are not an eligible woman.
- If you are looking for someone to take care of you, I am not your Daddy. If you see him stop him cause he owes me money. But I am not that nigga and you are not an eligible woman.
- If you are a gossip, you are not an eligible woman.
- If your dad is a punk, women want men like their dads, and you are not an eligible woman.
- If you moms is in our business, kick mud you are not an eligible woman.
- If you have no ambition beyond the acquisition and stockpiling of material things, you are not an eligible woman.
- If you play mind games, you are not an eligible woman.
- If you are on some "Slavery's legacy is still keeping the black man and woman apart" bullsh*t, you and Toby-he, who says that "Da White Man is keepin' me down" can put that sh*t on a t-shirt, Kizzy. You are not an eligible woman.
- If you have a tattoo on your breast, arm or *ss-crack, you are soliciting too much of the wrong kind of attention and you are not an eligible woman.
- If you can't hit the gym because it will mess up your hair, you are not an eligible woman.
There are a lot of flawed people out there. Some good and some not. Bemoaning the lack of eligible black men and blaming society or "the man" only contributes to the problem. Black men have an excuse now not to be more than the stereotypes. Black women have an excuse not to try as hard as they should since the eleigble black man is a myth. Speaking as an eligible black man I can tell you that you won't find me at a bar, or a club. Ever. You can find me at church, every Wednesday and twice on Sunday. And while I am not perfect, who knows, I just may be perfect for you.
(Hat Tip: Negro Please)