Who's da Man? I da Man!

Gwynne at The Shallow End had this quiz:

Your Brain is 7% Female, 93% Male

You've got the brain of a manly man Feelings, schmeelings... tears aren't for you. You could break both legs and not get misty eyed. A great problem solver, nothing ever phases you.

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Yeah baby! I'm the MAN.




Click on the above player to hear "The MAN Song by Sean Morey"

And While I am da Man, I still fall short compared to that man's man, Chuck Norris:

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


• Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.


• Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.


• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.


• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.


• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


• Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.


• Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.


• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


• Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.


• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Go here to get a daily Chuck Norris fact

Freudenschade Baby!

Did you know that Karl Rove was indicted May 12th? Me neither. That rumor took off and had the left literally jumping for joy. Until they found out it was a lie. Missed all the left's merriment? Fear not. PJ Comix at DUmmie FUnnies (on my blogroll) chronicled the joy and subsequent meltdown of the denizens of the Democratic Underground.

Since the story spans more than 24 business hours (trust me you'll have to read to find out what that means) I will point you to another of my blogroll residents Mr. Minoriy who links to the DUFU posts in sequence in his post Much Angst in Leftieville - Still No Rove Indictment. A must read if for no other reason than to learn the etymology of freudenschade (not to be confused with the real word schadenfreude) and why the moonbats have taken a scatological interest in Rove's attorney, Robert Luskin's cat. I kid you not.

Cat Herding

I don't know how Mark at Cutting Edge of Ectasy came across this but it is pretty good.


Mark I tried to leave a trackback but got this error:
Problem: Server said 'You are not allowed to send TrackBack pings.'

Headlines for Monday 5/22/2006

Stars come out for Gore's documentary
Film chronicles the Presidential loser's role in inventing The Internet, Environmentalism, and Hollywood

Piano Found Near Summit of Mountain
Piano music was used to soothe the mountain ears

Friend left as deposit at gas station
Later sold to owner of gas-friend hybrid vehicle

Wash. Church Organist Charged With Fraud
Prosecuter sure organist was key player in big church racket

WW2 plane loses cockpit cover, hits German carry-out stand
Exemplifying the precision bombing technique which won the war

Mike Wallace: I once tried to commit suicide
Better luck next time Mike (not nice, I know, leave hate mail in comments)

Compound could fight superbugs
Merck announces developement of Kryptoniteocin

Pachyderm won't pace to keep off pounds
Rosie Odonnell won't lose weight for The Veiw

Feingold, Specter clash over gay marriage
Arlen wants June nuptials while Russ wants to hold out for a Summer wedding

Police train rats to sniff out landmines
Rats glad to get out of the carcinogen testing lab once and awhile



That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness"!

basil at basil's blog

Chester Street:PETA's Hypocrisy Exposed Again

Mark at Chester Street has this great post about PETA.

"Even if animal research resulted in a cure for AIDS, we'd be against it." - Ingrid Newkirk, President and Co-Founder of PETA

"Six million Jews died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler-chickens will die this year in slaughterhouses."
Ingrid Newkirk, President of people for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

"I openly hope that it comes here." Ingrid Newkirk, PETA Co-Founder, on her desire for a USA hoof-and-mouth epidemic

Check out the whole thing and while you are at it read his post on the Da Vinci Code. It does a great job at debunking the whole mess and sums up my feelings on the whole controversy thing.

Do you remember? You've actually read this story before—in the garden of Eden (Genesis 3).

Let's think about what happened there.

Satan comes to Eve and does three things:

* First, he challenges the veracity of God's Word (did God really say?)

* Second, he puts forth his counter truth claim (you will not surely die)

* And finally, he informs Eve that there is a foul conspiracy afoot; that God is keeping her from "secret knowledge" which, if she would just listen and follow Satan's inside information, she would become like God, knowing this secret knowledge herself. And, of course, she would live happily ever after.

Sure, Dan Brown synthesized early works such as The Templar Revelation and Holy Blood, Holy Grail, but in reality, his plot is just an elaboration of the line of thought found in the Original Lie.
It must be part of our nature to love a conspiracy story because we are fascinated by them. Satan must have understood this when he approached Eve. Now Brown hands us the same old stuff:

Wow! I didn't even have to type a single word!

All in All I think My Trial is Going Well...

What Famous Leader Are You?

personality tests by similarminds.com

Beth at And Then I Woke Up had a movie quiz. My result said I was Easy Rider so obviously it is a total crock of a test. I took the leader test and I am Saddam Hussein. Interestingly of the nine leaders that I could have been, Saddam isn't all that bad a choice. I could have been

1. Gandhi


2. Mother Teresa


3. Bill Clinton


4. Che Guevara


5. Albert Einstein


6. Hitler


7. JFK


8. Saddam Hussein


9. Abe Lincoln

Other than Lincoln and Einstein there really isn't anyone here that I would emmulate. How about you? Take the test, tell if it is accurate and tell me who you would rather have been.

Doctors: Have Emergency Birth Control Rx on Hand

Okay call me a sexist prude but I really have a problem with the concept of emergency birth control. CNN's article Doctors: Have emergency birth control Rx on hand urges woment to get prescriptions for the morning after pill and keep it around "in case of a contraceptive failure".

"We want women to be prepared, well before a contraceptive failure or unprotected sex occurs. Afterward may be too late," said Dr. Michael Mennuti, president of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
...snip
The morning-after pill is a high dose of regular birth control pills. It cuts the chances of pregnancy by up to 89 percent if used within 72 hours of rape, condom failure or just forgetting routine contraception.

Okay what exactly constitutes an emergency where birth control is concerned? Well the article mentions "contraception failure". How likely is this? Oh I know that condems can get holes in them but does anyone actually check out a used condom to see if it failed? "Was it good for you dear? Let's cuddle but first why don't you check out the condom for leaks. Wouldn't want to have to rush out to the drug store."

Then there is rape and that I believe may be the only legitimate reason to use a morning after pill, but if a woman was raped, certainly she would be able to get a perscription if not the pill itself when she is treated. Otherwise are the proponents of this pill suggesting that every woman be prepared to get raped and not seek medical treatment? They are sending a mixed message i think.

So that leaves the last "emergency" which is unprotected sex. Unprotected sex an emeregency? Seems to me that the woman (and let's save the "men should share the responsibilty of birth control" argument for another post) who has unprotected sex has issues other than the need for emergency birth control. She puts her body at risk for a few moments of pleasure and then thinks "Oh hey I'll just pop on down to Wal-Mart with this emergency perscription and voila! Everything is OK!"
My conservative Christian morality screams that that is NOT the kind of behavior we as a society should encourage. And yet there is a concerted effort to get this medicine sold over the counter.

The new "Ask me" campaign takes the discussion back to doctors' offices. ACOG is providing its 49,000 members with waiting-room posters to urge women of childbearing age to ask about a prescription they could keep on hand in case they need emergency contraception in the future.

"Accidents happen," the posters say.

Actual contraceptive failure is a rare accident. Rape is not an accident at all. Nor is deciding to have unprotected sex because you can't be bothered to use contraception. And this campaign is aimed at making it easier for women to live with the mind set of "Sex now, no consequences later".

Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"

This was found in the inbox. Here is a list of Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound the Same After “ Brokeback Mountain".

10. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"

9. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"

8. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."

7. "Howdy, pardner."

6. You stay here while I sneak around from behind."

5. "I need a man who knows how to handle a gun."

4. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."

3. "Let's mount up!"

2. "Nice spread ya got there!"

And the number 1 phrase that will never sound the same again:

1. "Ride 'em cowboy!"

And let’s not mention “grab on to my saddle horn”,  okay?

Headlines For Friday 5/12/2006

Vatican throws out China bishops
Church replacing all porcelain clergy with flesh and blood models

12 Species of Flies Get Federal Protection
Fly hunters and garbage can developers plan to appeal

You'll never be a man
Words of Elton John's gym coach haunt him to this day

U.S. has second worst newborn death rate in modern world, report says
And not surprisingly it is still better than the U.S. unborn death rate

Snoop Dogg Back to London to Face Police
Snoop hopes his good pal Lee Iacocca will bail him out

Dude ranch reopens as nude ranch
Visitors hang out by the corral chewing the rawhide

Kidnapped oilmen freed in Nigeria
Oilmen having hard time getting home. Says everyone is ignoring their emails requesting aid

Julia Louis-Dreyfus to host 'SNL'
Move harkens viewers back to a time after SNL stopped being funny but before it became boring

Dixie Chicks Recall Death Threat
Trio takes back plan to kill career

Quaid drops 'Brokeback' lawsuit
Randy 'knew how to quit them'

Missing Manure Mystifies Middlefield
Purloined Poop Puzzles Police
Stolen Stool Stumps Street-cleaner
Confiscated Caca Confounds Citizens

Stones deny Richards suffered brain damage
Aging rocker's brain was pretty much gone by 1968


That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness"!

basil at basil's blog

Linky Business
Leaning Straight Up
Stray Dog Found
MacBros' Place
Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots
Woman Honor Thyself
The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
The Bullwinkle Blog

Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines

The Platypus Society: Old Proverbs Explained

The Platypus Society has “Old Proverbs Explained”. A Sample:

 

The early bird catches the worm.
Recognized Meaning: Get an early start to achieve success.
Alternate Meaning: Before you get out of bed in the morning ask yourself, “Am I the bird or the worm?” then plan your day accordingly.

You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
Recognized Meaning: You have to give up something to gain something.
Alternate Meaning: Some things require more effort than you’re willing to commit. Have some cereal instead.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Recognized Meaning: Healthy eating leads to fewer illnesses.
Alternate Meaning: When throwing apples at your doctor, aim for his head, neck, or groin regions.

Go and check out the rest. And if you think of  a new one leave it in the comments.

 

Q & A Diet and Exercise; The Real Story

This arrived in my inbox. In the interest of health and well being I share it with you. Then I’m going out to have a 10 ounce medium well serving of vegetables with herb rub and bleu cheese. Yum!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: “You ARE what you THINK about”. Think ‘FIT and HEALTHY’, and you will BE ‘FIT and HEALTHY’. No need for the ‘regular exercise’ gimmick!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. And what about the hippo and walrus? Swimming? NOT!

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: You ARE in-shape! 'Round' is a shape! ‘Triangle’ is a shape! (Did you pay attention in grade school? An hourglass and a ‘V’ are NOT shapes!)

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride

Headlines for Thursday 05/04/2006

Halle Berry says she wants to adopt
Oow! Oow! ME! Me! Adopt Me!

Springsteen expresses New Orleans' pain
That pain has a name and it's Ray Nagin

Man tells executioners "It's not working"
Man refused to be executed until they got it fixed

Arctic town builds anti-reindeer fence
Includes Anti-Aircraft bateries to prevent flyovers

'The View' brings Rosie O'Donnell aboard
Fans now complain that 'The view' is blocked

Anna Nicole Smith scores Supreme Court win
Now seeks to score some more feeble rich geezers

'Baywatch' Actress Seeks Motley Divorce
Donna decides to deep Sixx her husband

Geena Davis Honored for Role As President
By having her low rated show yanked from the air

Housewife complains of medium's 'sexorcisms'
Should have skipped the medium and used an extra large

Zanzibar Dolphin Deaths Puzzle Scientists
Scientist say dolphins were in good spirits and looking forward to swimming and eating fish just prior to death



That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness"!
basil at basil's blog

Linky Business
Sed Vitae
Quietly Making Noise
TMH Bacon Bits
Liberal Common Sense

Technorati tag: Humor Headlines

For Your Viewing Pleasure: Banned Xbox 360 Ad

This is old and you may have seen it. This is the first time I've seen it and it is hilarious. Microsoft decided not to use it.

Places to Shop, Places to Eat

Human Events Online has "Top Ten Lists" and Friday they listed the top 10 places to shop and eat on Uno de Mayo.

The following list ranks the Top 10 businesses that give the most to Republicans, according to BuyBlue.org, a website that encourages liberals to shop at business that donate to Democrats.

COMPANY	AMOUNT GIVEN	% GIVEN TO REPUBLICANS
10. Krispy Kreme	$25,000	100%
9. Fruit of the Loom	$28,750	100%
8. Ruby Tuesday	$29,000	100%
7. Best Buy	$46,434	100%
6. Domino's Pizz	$40,677	100%
5. Russell Stover Candies	$64,500	100%
4. Scotts Miracle-Gro	$148,010	100%
3. Wendy's	$299,000	94%
2. Michaels Stores	$416,503	100%
1. Outback Steakhouse	$490,650	98%

Thing is I patronize all these companies. I will make a greater effort to choose them now that I know they have conservative political ties. Mmm Kookaburra Wings.