165 Pets Taken From Calif. Ex-Mayor's Home
Ex-Mayor claims she thought undocumented pets were in home legally
Minister's wife desperately seeking Madonna?
"Meeting her would be Just Like A Prayer", says wife, "I just hope Papa Don't Preach to this Material Girl
Silent 'Piano Man' poses beach riddle
Why does no one starve at the beach? Because of all the sand which is there
Twins Seeing Double Once Again
Bush says he'll take keys to the liquor cabinet next time he leaves country
Belief in sex-mad demon tests nerves
Hilary says Bill is a legend in his own mind, get over him people!
Cook killed in sword attack at hospital
Famed sea captain originally thought killed in Hawaii in skirmish with natives
Banned bun-snatching ritual revived
J-Lo hires extra security to guard her assests
Rock megastars Rolling Stones announce world tour
Fans learn that "Start Me Up" is not the opening number but a medical procedure to get the aging rockers going before each show
Does a New Drug Cure Cancer?:
Yes. (side effects include; swelling of the face, fingers, feet, and/or lower legs; severe stomach pain; bad breath; black, tarry stools, and/or vomiting of blood or material that looks like coffee grounds; headaches; backaches; numbness in arms and legs; tingling in toes and fingers; loss of hearing; blurred vision; loss of appetite; loss of balance; unusual weight gain; and/or skin rash; reduced sex drive; head exploding; sudden unexplained death)
Check out the other members of the Impossible Headlines Mission Force. basil, moehawk and Moe. And remember should any member of your headline force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
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