Thursday Thirteen #73

13 Things About Dane Bramage
13 "What I Should Have Said/What I Said"

You know sometimes your mouth works faster than your brain. And in those instances you utter something that in retrospect could have been said in a more kinder, gentler fashion. Here are thirteen of those times. What I should have said is first followed by what I said.

1. Of course not! Why you look ravishing!
   No. Your big butt makes you look fat.


2. Times are really tough for all of us. And I am sure once he bounces back he will be in touch.
   You knew he was a deadbeat before he was your baby's daddy.


3. I'm sure he was drawn to your vast intellect and beauty.
   I'm sure he was drawn to your vast wealth.


4. The screen says the flight is delayed. I'm sure it will be here soon.
   The plane ain't landing but your Mom's broom just touched down at gate 47.


5. Well he's had some setbacks with his health and other issues.
   The lazy bum is deathly allergic to work.


6. No I have never had this kind of food before and let me just say the texture and smell makes for a unique dining experience.
   Oh man this tastes like crap.


7. I would describe her appearance as classical. I bet men surround her staring, transfixed by her look.
   The trick is not to stare directly at her face, instead use shiny surfaces.


8. Genetics is a powerful thing and he could very well inherit your brains.
   Since you're a dumbass chances are he'll be a dumbass too.


9. Let's hold off on the drinks until we get to the air conditioned room.
   You know how your mom sweats.


10. You're Sisters? I see the striking family resemblance now!
    Which one of you did Dorothy drop the house on?


11. Dude your cologne is a little overpowering.
    Dude you reek. What'd you do, bathe in a latrine?


12. Your track record isn't very good. And I see that these setbacks haven't diminished your perseverance.
    Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?


13. It's obvious you have championship attitude if they gave awards for it.
    You'd definitely get a gold medal at the Jerk Olympics.

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