Bush Abandons Push for Miers Nomination
Said it would be pointless after Miers withdrew her nomination
Prince Albert's Take On Taking the Throne
"I would use the can if they would let me out of this can"
Robots May Allow Surgery in Space
Proof positive of our cyber-overlords benevolence
Calif. City OKs Medical Marijuana Office
City council hires Doobie Brothers to form joint chiefs
More school, celibacy for Weezer singer
As if he was really going to get girls being in a band called Weezer
Actor Hunter Reflects on Past in Memoir
All agree it wouldn't be a memoir if he reflected on his future
Man Trying to Shoot Cow Hits a Motorist
Motorist Rosie O'Donnell just winged, Judge says mistake understandable
Thousands Stage Mass Barbecue in Brazil
Thousands hospitalized after consuming unsafe Brazilian beef
Cabbie Accused of Tainting Food With Feces
That's why its called a poo poo platter
DNA Testing Allows African-Americans to Trace Ancestry
News met with dread by baby's daddies everywhere
King Tut Drank Red Wine, Researcher Says
Was forced to quit by activist group Mummies against Drunk Driving
That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness!
basil at basil's blog
Moe at Moe's Woes
The Capitalist at Laffin at the Left
Pluto's Dad at Eyes on the Ball News
moehawk at oystersnout
lyn at bloggin' out loud
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Perfect Gift
Okay, my birthday was last month but if you really want to get me a late gift, here is what I want. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes It came out earlier this month. It contains every one of the 3,160 strips printed during Calvin and Hobbes’ 10-year run. MSRP $150.00 and worth every penny. If you don't want to get it for me for my birthday, I would be willing to wait until Christmas.
You can read reprints of Calvin and Hobbes in the Dane Bramage Comics section everyday.
PGH: Quotable Saddam
The new Precision Guided Humor Assignment is in at The Alliance. This weeks’ question: What will be the most memorable quotes to emerge from the trial of Saddam Hussein?
The best quote will be from Saddam’s lawyer trying to explain away the mass graves:
Of course the best quotes will be from Saddam himself. But they are not likely to be permitted in court. Here are some highlights from Saddam’s incarceration:
That Saddam. He really knows how to turn a colorful phrase. This has been a PGH Assignment.
The best quote will be from Saddam’s lawyer trying to explain away the mass graves:
“Genocide? My client is not guilty of genocide. My client merely enacted a program of population restructuring along ethnic lines. A program he was fully authorized to use as the beloved leader of a sovereign nation. A program used by many leaders before and since!”
Of course the best quotes will be from Saddam himself. But they are not likely to be permitted in court. Here are some highlights from Saddam’s incarceration:
Saddam and the prison population
“Keep an eye out as I go over the fence. Silence fool! You’ll alert the guards! Stop screaming! No! No! I was not trying to escape. I was OWWWW! OWWWW! MY SPLEEN!”
Saddam and the guards
“Your sister was what? Well I told my boys not to build those rooms, but you know kids they never OWWWW! OWWWW! MY SPLEEN!”
Saddam and his cellmate Bubba Al-Saddam-Azeer
“No I do not know how to squeal like a pig. I assure you your soap is not under there. What are you doing? OWWWW! OWWWW! MY SPLEEN!”
That Saddam. He really knows how to turn a colorful phrase. This has been a PGH Assignment.
Views of Colorado
Ahh the beauty of Nature. My good friend Paid Professional Tourist sent me these pics of his beloved Colorado. The storms are dropping snow already. I would be perfectly happy if Colorado got all the snow we are supposed to get here in the Buckeye State. (BTW, just what is Colorado’s nickname?)
Monday, October 24, 2005
Headlines for Monday 10/24/2005
Officer who stole snack chips reinstated
Randy "Frito Bandito" Reyna was given community service and a lessor charge of misdemeanor munchies abuse
Deputy Allegedly Pulls Gun on Slow Golfers
Determined to shoot a 64 no matter what
Indiana Jail Gets Funding for Toilet Paper
Hoozier hooskow finally finds fecal funding
(Note: What have they been putting in police water lately?)
Danes Design Singing Pillows for Soldiers
I did not!
Desperate Housewives IDs Basement Guy
Fingered blogger proclaims innocence
10 die as blasts rock reporters' hotels in Baghdad
Authorities suspect a suicide belt on a lobster at the buffet in the pool area
Woman Allegedly Steals to Bail Out Hubby
Hubby obviously didn't marry her for her brains
Man allegedly robs bank with pay stub note
It might have help to use a gun but now he can only be charged with aggrevated stupidity
Liver Transplants May Cure Rare Disease
Especially missing liver syndrome
BlackBerry's Creators Don't Forget Roots
Mike to name first born Kunta Kinte Lazaridis
That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness!
basil at basil's blog
Moe at Moe's Woes
The Capitalist at Laffin at the Left
Pluto's Dad at Eyes on the Ball News
moehawk at oystersnout
lyn at bloggin' out loud
Randy "Frito Bandito" Reyna was given community service and a lessor charge of misdemeanor munchies abuse
Deputy Allegedly Pulls Gun on Slow Golfers
Determined to shoot a 64 no matter what
Indiana Jail Gets Funding for Toilet Paper
Hoozier hooskow finally finds fecal funding
(Note: What have they been putting in police water lately?)
Danes Design Singing Pillows for Soldiers
I did not!
Desperate Housewives IDs Basement Guy
Fingered blogger proclaims innocence
10 die as blasts rock reporters' hotels in Baghdad
Authorities suspect a suicide belt on a lobster at the buffet in the pool area
Woman Allegedly Steals to Bail Out Hubby
Hubby obviously didn't marry her for her brains
Man allegedly robs bank with pay stub note
It might have help to use a gun but now he can only be charged with aggrevated stupidity
Liver Transplants May Cure Rare Disease
Especially missing liver syndrome
BlackBerry's Creators Don't Forget Roots
Mike to name first born Kunta Kinte Lazaridis
That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness!
basil at basil's blog
Moe at Moe's Woes
The Capitalist at Laffin at the Left
Pluto's Dad at Eyes on the Ball News
moehawk at oystersnout
lyn at bloggin' out loud
How In the World Did I Miss This?
Up the Creek: Out to Embarrass Bush Over Alleged Video Stunt, Today Gets Caught in Stunt of Its Own :NewsBusters.org
Today's timing couldn't have been worse. A preceding segment focused on the incessant rains and ensuing flooding in the northeast. For days now, beautiful, blonde - and one senses highly ambitious - young reporter Michelle Kosinski has been on the scene for Today in New Jersey, working the story. In an apparent effort to draw attention to herself, in yesterday's segment she turned up in hip waders, standing thigh-deep in the flood waters.
Taking her act one step further, this morning she appeared on a suburban street . . . paddling a canoe. There was one small problem. Just as the segment came on the air, two men waded in front of Kosinki . . . and the water barely covered their shoe tops! That's right, Kosinski's canoe was in no more than four to six inches of water!
An embarrassed Kosinski claimed the water was deeper down the street but that her producers didn't want to let her go there for fear she'd drift away. But Katie and Matt, perhaps peeved by her attempted scene-stealing, couldn't resist ribbing her.
Matt: "Are these holy men, perhaps walking on top of the water?"
"Gee, is your oar hitting ground, Michelle?" inquired Katie, as she and Matt dissolved into laughter.
Moral of the story: people in canoes in a few inches of water shouldn't throw video-stunt stones.
Inbox Reflections
These items appeared in my email inbox. I thought I would share them with you:
Pullout
If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has 20 some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington DC
I got this joke and it made me laugh. I give it to you after altering it to my political affiliation.
Blame Bush
Clinton, Kerry, Kennedy and Dean were sitting around strategizing.
"If we are going to make any gains in this election cycle we have to discredit the President", Hilary said.
"But how?" asked Kennedy. "He took full blame for Katrina and Rita and his numbers are starting to bounce back."
"Maybe there is some news from Iraq we can use," offered Kerry.
"Well it is reported that 3 Brazilian soldiers died today" said Clinton.
Dean jumped up and hollered "Yeeeeaarrh! That's it!"
He headed for the door.
"Are you sure that report is accurate?" Dean asked.
"Very sure," said Clinton.
"Ladies and gentlemen we have our quagmire!" shouted Dean as he bounded out of the room.
Clinton, Kerry and Kennedy just looked at each other with bewildered expressions.
Just then Dean stuck his head back into the room and asked, “Just so were clear, how many is a brazilian?”
The Power of Make Up
(NOTE: You can sign up at registeredmedia.com and get parody pictures like these by email)
Pullout
If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has 20 some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington DC
I got this joke and it made me laugh. I give it to you after altering it to my political affiliation.
Blame Bush
Clinton, Kerry, Kennedy and Dean were sitting around strategizing.
"If we are going to make any gains in this election cycle we have to discredit the President", Hilary said.
"But how?" asked Kennedy. "He took full blame for Katrina and Rita and his numbers are starting to bounce back."
"Maybe there is some news from Iraq we can use," offered Kerry.
"Well it is reported that 3 Brazilian soldiers died today" said Clinton.
Dean jumped up and hollered "Yeeeeaarrh! That's it!"
He headed for the door.
"Are you sure that report is accurate?" Dean asked.
"Very sure," said Clinton.
"Ladies and gentlemen we have our quagmire!" shouted Dean as he bounded out of the room.
Clinton, Kerry and Kennedy just looked at each other with bewildered expressions.
Just then Dean stuck his head back into the room and asked, “Just so were clear, how many is a brazilian?”
The Power of Make Up
(NOTE: You can sign up at registeredmedia.com and get parody pictures like these by email)
Set Tasers to Deep Fat Fry
Mark over at Cutting Edge of Ectasy posts the Incendiary Taser Story.
According to television station WRAL, County deputies say Richard McKinnon was pulled over for a broken taillight in the Lake Upchurch area of Cumberland County. Authorities say McKinnon, also wanted on kidnapping and robbery charges, sped off, drove over a mailbox and hit a tree. McKinnon apparently had gasoline in the front seat of his vehicle, which splashed on his clothing. When an officer tried apprehend him using a Taser, the weapon set McKinnon's clothing on fire.Crininals, smoking or non-smoking.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Headlines for Thursday 10/20/2005
Deadly Wilma eyeing Florida
After killing her husband Fred, Mrs. Flintsone seeks a quiet retirement community
Does Bed Rest Improve Outcome of Pregnancy?
Bed rest usually improves the input of pregnancy
Saturday night is dead
Foul play suspected; other days were elsewhere at the time.
World War II Airman Found Frozen in Glacier
News of Steve Rogers' discovery terrifies Red Skull
Stem Cell Hub Opens in Seoul
Specialties include Stem Cells and Rice Noodles, Sweet and Sour Stem Cells, and General Tso's Stem Cells
Group Condemns Chicken Choking Toy
Group now set sights on monkey spanking toy
Marriage Doesn't Affect Breast Cancer Survival
Doctors consider removing marriage from list of treatment options
Malaysian Who Pulled Jet With Hair Dies
Cause of death listed as terminal frizzies
Rice to Meet With Congress Over Iraq
Squimish congressmen urge SOS to relocate meeting to someplace on the ground and closer to home
Shatner examined after back complaint
Doctors fear probing where no man has gone before
That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness!
basil at basil's blog
Moe at Moe's Woes
The Capitalist at Laffin at the Left
Pluto's Dad at Eyes on the Ball News
moehawk at oystersnout
lyn at bloggin' out loud
After killing her husband Fred, Mrs. Flintsone seeks a quiet retirement community
Does Bed Rest Improve Outcome of Pregnancy?
Bed rest usually improves the input of pregnancy
Saturday night is dead
Foul play suspected; other days were elsewhere at the time.
World War II Airman Found Frozen in Glacier
News of Steve Rogers' discovery terrifies Red Skull
Stem Cell Hub Opens in Seoul
Specialties include Stem Cells and Rice Noodles, Sweet and Sour Stem Cells, and General Tso's Stem Cells
Group Condemns Chicken Choking Toy
Group now set sights on monkey spanking toy
Marriage Doesn't Affect Breast Cancer Survival
Doctors consider removing marriage from list of treatment options
Malaysian Who Pulled Jet With Hair Dies
Cause of death listed as terminal frizzies
Rice to Meet With Congress Over Iraq
Squimish congressmen urge SOS to relocate meeting to someplace on the ground and closer to home
Shatner examined after back complaint
Doctors fear probing where no man has gone before
That's it for Headlines today. Remember to visit the usual suspects for more "headliney goodness!
basil at basil's blog
Moe at Moe's Woes
The Capitalist at Laffin at the Left
Pluto's Dad at Eyes on the Ball News
moehawk at oystersnout
lyn at bloggin' out loud
10 Reasons Evil Glenn Has an Alien
Chris Muir, author of the brilliant Day By Day comic, has photographic (or at least hand-drawn) evidence that Evil Glenn is harboring a space alien at his InstaCompound.
This has not escaped the notice of the Alliance of Free Blogs. The question on eveybody's mind is Why does Evil Glenn have an alien at his house? Again I sent my agent Deep Pup to the InstaCompound undercover. He smuggled out the Top 10 Reasons Evil Glenn Has an Alien
10. Alien puppy blending technology
09. People like aliens more than they like lawyers
08. Some aliens look like Kim Bassinger
07. Gort, Klaatu barada, nikto; It just rolls off the tongue
06. Some aliens look like Kim Cattrall
05. Finally someone to explain E.T.'s plot to Glenn
04. Some Aliens look like Kim Jong Il
03. Vaporizing trespassers
02. Two words. Vogon poetry
And the number one reason for an alien at the InstaCompound...
01. Insufficient border patrols
Now if you'll excuse me I have to plan an extraction op for Deep Pup. This has been a Filthy Lie.
This has not escaped the notice of the Alliance of Free Blogs. The question on eveybody's mind is Why does Evil Glenn have an alien at his house? Again I sent my agent Deep Pup to the InstaCompound undercover. He smuggled out the Top 10 Reasons Evil Glenn Has an Alien
10. Alien puppy blending technology
09. People like aliens more than they like lawyers
08. Some aliens look like Kim Bassinger
07. Gort, Klaatu barada, nikto; It just rolls off the tongue
06. Some aliens look like Kim Cattrall
05. Finally someone to explain E.T.'s plot to Glenn
04. Some Aliens look like Kim Jong Il
03. Vaporizing trespassers
02. Two words. Vogon poetry
And the number one reason for an alien at the InstaCompound...
01. Insufficient border patrols
Now if you'll excuse me I have to plan an extraction op for Deep Pup. This has been a Filthy Lie.
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