Headlines For Friday 1-29-2010

1. Leader slaughters goats to ward off evil?
Obama's efforts failed as McCain-Feingold is overturned, Scott Brown is elected, and Health reform is killed.
2. German pensioner torches car battling frost
Insert your own joke about a Hot Rod here...
3. Prisoners dance for Jackson DVD
When asked to comment the late entertainer said "Brains....BRAAAAIIIINS......!
4. Pope John Paul II Whipped Himself as Act of Penance, Book Claims
Book also says pontiff handcuffed himself and was fond of latex clothing.
5. Alien Life Could Already Be on Earth, Say Scientists
Obama reassures world that Pelosi was born here.

6. Cops stop cyclist with butcher knife-pool cue axe
Police come under fire for using non-standard law enforcement weapons.
7. Jury considers if Kansas abortion slaying was murder
Why does no one consider if Abortion is murder?
8. Health Bill 'On Life Support' After Obama Appeal
Republicans ask that the bill be given the same treatment the average American would receive under the bill and pull the plug!

9. Bin Laden Blames U.S. for Global Warming in New Tape
Claims he wants to destroy America to save the polar bears
10. Pa. woman manages to crash car into her own home
A remarkable accomplishment since she was aiming for the neighbors house

That's all for now. Check back again for more headliney goodness.

Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines

Jon Stewart and Wyatt Cenac Slam Chris Matthews

Hat Tip: Hot Air

Headlines For Thursday 1-21-2009

Bush Family to Leave Many Treasured Items Inside White House
First Lady Obama trying to find a fence

Obama Chic in Tough Times: How to Decorate the White House on a Budget
Couple will build a table from Cinder blocks and an old door

Officials: U.S. Intercepts Iranian Arms-Smuggling Ship
Smugglers hoped Cynthia McKinney figurehead would keep officials away

Clinically Depressed Poodle Mauls Former French President Chirac
"I should of known something was wrong when Sumo stopped caring about how she looked and would start crying for no reason," said Jaques.

Microsoft to Ax 5,000 Jobs, Reports 11 Percent Loss in 2Q Profit
Software giant plans to issue first 2000 Pink Slips of Death next month. Plans to revoke workers network access and prevent them from logging in were dumped as this behavior is indistinguishable from normal Windows operations.

Obama Getting Super-Secure BlackBerry
Now he can lose a VERY expensive phone in the bathroom.

Annual Mormon-theme film festival opens in Utah
Promoters are ecstatic! This year someone actually made a Mormon-themed film.

NC campus cops arrest student in snowball melee
Riot police were deployed with ice shields and rubber snow balls to contain the crowd



Maker swears Sasha, Malia dolls not Obama-related
These are dolls of a completely different and unrelated Sasha and Malia

Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines

No Wonder Obama Is So Messed Up

It makes a strange sort of sense...


see more more FAILED stuff

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Sarah Palin as VP Increases Depends Sales Among Scatalogically Frightened Democrats

Well It was bound to happen. someone has started a Sarah Palin Facts site. Similar to the Chuck Norris Facts site, you find inspirational but little known facts about everybody's favorite VP candidate. I cannot take credit for this post's title, it was from the site. Here are some other facts...

• Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
• Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
• Sarah Palin pick retroactively makes the theme of #DNC08 “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”
• Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
• Sarah Palin can divide by zero.
• Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.
• Sarah Palin’s finishing move in the VP debate will be pulling Biden’s still beating heart from his chest & taking a bite.
• When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.
• Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience
• Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List
• Sarah Palin can roll a natural 20 on a d6 (gamers, you know it!)
• The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.
• As head of Alaska’s Nat’l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.
• Sarah Palin’s suit is made from 100% dead liberal skin.

And the last one is a favorite of none other than the man himself; Chuck Norris. Chuck writes in his column The 'Maverette':

Sarah is so tough that she inspired a new tongue-in-cheek Web site (www.PalinFacts.com), which parallels the "Chuck Norris Facts" folklore Web site (www.ChuckNorrisFacts.com). It gives some mythical, yet complimentary "facts" about Sarah Palin's life, potential, character and career.

-- And my favorite: Sarah Palin is courageous and tough enough to shave Chuck Norris's beard -- and face off against his third fist disguised as a chin.

At last count, there are more than 3200 Little Known Facts in the random “Little Known Facts About Sarah Palin Generator.  No wonder liberals are shaking in their boots.

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The Nose On Your Face

If you haven't been over there lately, Check out The Nose On Your Face.  They have some great Obama related videos. Plus they have the Top 9 Little Known Facts About The 2008 Democratic National Convention 
A sample of what you will find;

6. Representatives from 50 of the 57 United States were in attendance.

4. Estimates indicate that the 20,000+ protesters and activists who spent the entire week at the Democratic National Convention combined for a total of three missed days of work, costing the American economy a staggering $6.55 an hour.

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Vote For the Greater Evil

You know I have no idea what "Change" Obama will bring and that's a lot scarier than the change I know Cthulu will bring. Think about it and vote Cthulu 2008!

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Thursday Thirteen #82

13 Things About Dane Bramage
13 Fun Facts About Walking

Friends to the rescue again. This time Kathy from Florida sent me an Email with these 13 facts about walking and the benefits of exercise. I may have modified a few.

1. Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.


2. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the heck he is.


3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.


4. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.


5. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.


6. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.


7. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


8. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.


9. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.


10. If you don't get enough of a workout everyday pulling your own weight or pushing your luck, just add about 1000 diddley squats.


11. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.


12. If the benefits of walking aren't readily apparent then look at my mail carrier. He's shaped like Jabba the Hut.


13. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

So get out there and walk!

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

From the Inbox

Okay you might accuse me of kicking her when she's down but I thought this was funny. I suspect, given the mathematical improbability of Hillary pulling enough delegates to get the nomination, that she will drag it to the convention and apply "Clintonian" pressure on the super delegates.

Obama is playing the confidence game, basically ignoring her and gearing up to face McCain. I wonder if the possibility exists of an Obama/Clinton ticket for the sake of the party. If so, and they win in November, I'd double up on the bullet proof vests if I were Barack.

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Headlines for Wednesday 4-23-2008

Hasselhoff in LA hospital for surgery above eye
The Hoff lost part of his brain in divorce settlement

Nicole Kidman urges fight to end violence against women
Suggests Global groin shot for peace

Florez wows crowd at Met with 18 high Cs
Crowd awe struck by fruit juice drinking, Florez vows to use Hawaiian Punch next time

Restaurants seek to block NYC calories-on-menus regulation
Want to keep calories in the food where they belong



Rice says Carter was warned against meeting with Hamas
Carter charged with Lite Treason and sentenced to 444 days in a mid east country

Is that Miley Cyrus flashing her bra on the Web?
Showing the best of both boobs while causing a pain in her dad's achy breaky heart

Olympic torch arrives in Australia, quickly whisked away
Was given new identity in Torch Protection Program to avoid protesters

Mom's diet may play role in whether baby is boy or girl
Most find this hard to swallow

Israel says Streisand won't attend 60th anniversary bash
Babs uncomfortable with countries younger than she is.

Hawking: Unintelligent life is likely on other planets
We certainly have an overabundance here on Earth in the Democratic Party.

Critics damn 'Gone With the Wind' musical
The "I Don't Know Nuthin' 'Bout Birthin' No Babies" disco dance number was too over the top.



Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines

Clinton and Obama: The Musicals

It's Friday so lets see what's on YouTube.

Let it Be Hillary




I Just Heard a Man Named Obama




Comedy brought to you by Paul Aldrich You have got to check him out.

I Just Can't Decide

I have seen this image a couple of times in my inbox. I think it really captures the essence of Obama, McCain, and Clinton. The work is by David Dees who owns the copyright. The picture is used with permission.

Thursday Thirteen #75

13 Things About Dane Bramage
3rd Blogoversary Edition
13 Favorite Thursday Thirteens From Last Year

Sunday marked the third blogoversary of Dane Bramage. Over the past year I participated in 38 (of a possible 52) Thursday Thirteens. That is very significant because it means that instead of new material for this week I can just link back to some of my old T13! The links will open in another window if you click on them. Some of the pre Template change posts may be difficult to read because the text colors chosen looked better against a black background than the current blue one.

1. #43 13 Bumper Stickers Not your ordinary "My kid blah blah blah" type, but bumper stickers that have meaning like "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian"


2. #55 13 TV Theme Songs And you can listen to them too!


3. #50 13 Tortures for Woman Whom I've Dated Because I'm NOT Bitter I think the title says it all.


4. #41 13 Demotivational Posters Links to Despair.com and their great line of demotivational posters


5. #40 13 Classy Insults You won't find "Up your nose with a rubber hose" on this list.


6. #36 13 Things about Scott Murray's Book Trucker's Tales Friend, confidant, tattooed zipper headed mad man. Those describe my good friend Scott who wrote and published a book about life as a trucker.


7. #42 13 Point Comparison of Colorado and Ohio The aforementioned Scott wrote this comparison of his state and mine. I supplied the editorial comments because, well that's what I do.


8. #58 13 Things About Feet A topic near to my legs. Reported to be one of Quentin Tarantino's favorite posts.


9. #69 13 TV Shows I would Like to Be a Character On A fantasy piece where I explore 13 TV shows that I could see myself as a character on.


10. #65 13 Favorite Bond Films A list that spans four decades!


11. #52 13 Comic Books That Became Movies There are a lot more than you think and I even had to leave many off the list!


12. #64 13 Quips Heard During Colonoscopies More help from my friend Scott.


13. #51 13 Questions and Answers from the Old Hollywood Squares Show ROFL down memory lane as we revisit some classic moments from Hollywood Squares

So there you have it. Another year of T13 to look forward to after looking back at some of my favorite moments.

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Hillary Doesn't Lie. Here's Proof

Well here is video evidence that Hillary didn't "misspeak" about her trip to Bosnia.

(Hat Tip: Vilmar)

Thursday Thirteen #71

13 Things About Dane Bramage
13 Things to Ponder

Nothing too deep this week. Just 13 things that makes you wonder some times.

1. If crime doesn't pay, does that mean my job is a crime?


2. Why do fingers and toes wrinkle in the bath, but not the rest of our body?


3. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?


4. If rhino horn is an aphrodisiac, how come rhinos are nearly extinct?


5. Is Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?


6. How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.


7. Why can't I find any illegal-sized paper?


8. Why are people overwhelmed but never just whelmed?


9. When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, why do you suddenly have to go to the bathroom?


10. Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive around the building?


11. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?


12. If beauty is only skin deep, how can some people be described as having an inner beauty?


13. If a train station is where a train stops and a bus station is where a bus stops, what's a workstation?

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen #70

13 Things About Dane Bramage
13 Children's Books That Were Never Written

Digging through some old stuff I found this list. I thought I would share it with you because that's the kind of blogging friend I am. So here are 13 Children's Books That Were Never Written

1. You Are Different and That's Bad


2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables


3. Dad's New Wife Bruce


4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share


5. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games


6. Curious George and the Rottweilers


7. Strangers Have the Best Candy


8. The Little Sissy Who Snitched


9. Some Kittens Can Fly


10. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption


11. Grandpa Gets a Casket


12. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator


13. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Oh there are some others I'm sure. If you think of any then add them in the comments.

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Headlines for Wednesday 2-20-2008

Fidel Castro Resigns As Cuba's President
Plans to sneak a boat and retire in Miami




Church Urges Hanky Panky Among Members
Also urges coveting and baring false witness as they promote Revised Commandments Day

Stolen Stash of Stuffing Secured
Drastic Dressing Drama is Developing

Colo. couple swindles Girl Scouts with fake bill
Girl Scout spokesman say "They sure looked like ducks

Blow-Up Doll Stands in for Groom
Usually it is the bride that's the blow up doll

Ohio Couples Have White (Castle) Wedding
Well White Castle is affiliated with Churches




Clinton Says Obama Relies on 'Words'
Whereas Clinton relies on wild hand gestures

Pregnant Woman Accused of Assault at Bar
Who would expect such behavior from a bar patron?

Star Trek release pushed back to 2009
Having problems boldly going where we've all been before

Underwear on the Face Didn't Fool Anyone
CSI identified suspect by skid marks

Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines

Thursday Thirteen #67

13 Things About Dane Bramage
13 Romantic Tips

Well it's that time of year again. Valentines Day is upon us. If you are one of those last minute people like me, then you still haven't figured out what to do for the special person in your life. Don't fret. I have 13 things guaranteed to rekindle the flames of romance in your relationship.

1. Show her you care about her finances and give her one of those discount coupon books. I always remove the "buy one get one free" food deals so she doesn't sneak out to dinner with someone else


2. Always comment on her appearance. Tell her big flat feet are common on women who have attained her size


3. Nothing says romance like those three little words: Candied Brussels Sprouts


4. Never be a cheapskate on a date. Splurge and "Biggie Size" her meal.


5. Be considerate. Be sure to hide the holes you poke in the bottom of her chocolates to identify them. And never tell her which ones you spit out. Let it be a surprise.


6. She'll appreciate your frugalness when you cut pictures of the labels of designer perfumes out of her magazines. Then glue them onto the cheaper designer knock offs; besides no one can tell the difference in the smells.


7. Sharing a romantic meal at a fancy restaurant can really spark the passion. So order what you want and just let her have your salad. You weren't going to eat it and it's all she orders anyway.


8. Every woman appreciates the gift of cosmetics in bulk. Don't forget the beauty trowel.


9. Reinforce the appreciation you have for the hours of work she puts in around the house by staying home and watching the game.


10. Belching very loudly after a meal in a public place only affirms the level of comfort you feel with your special someone.


11. Every woman loves receiving battery chargers and jumper cables especially just before your big surprise evening at the Car and Boat Show


12. Women love it when you get frisky so chase her around the house with the socks you just peeled off after a twelve hour shift.


13. Women love the gift of furniture. Invest in a comfortable sofa. You never know when it will be your bed for the night.

There you have it. 13 sure fire ways to start a fire of passion. Did I mention that I've always been single? You don't seem surprised by that. If you have a sure fire romantic tip, leave it in the comments

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Headlines for Monday 01-28-2008

Burglar steals crown from bishop's car
Bishop's dentist says he's working on replacement crown

Library Gets Book Back After 57 Years
Then promptly burns it because it mentions God's influence on the founding fathers

Clinton’s Campaign Sees Value in Keeping Former President in Attack Mode
They're determined to see Monica Lewinski's ex-boyfriend's wife as President

Cops: Ind. robber mistakenly shoots self in groin
Police warn when commiting robbery don't go off half-cocked

Producers reveal title of new James Bond
Sean Connery returns as Oldfinger




Miss America crowned at racier pageant
Contestants battled fiercely during new pole dancing competition

Three Pigs Story Judged Offensive to Muslims
In the Islamic version the wolf huffs and puffs and blows himself up.

Commentary: Issues -- not gender or race -- on minds of voters
Campaigns seek to avoid confusion on Clinton's gender and race

Producers reveal title of new James Bond
Roger Moore returns as Octogenarianpussy

Future Chefs Learn How to Cut Trans Fat
Use same carving technique to cut the cheese

Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines

Headlines for Monday 01/14/2008

Boxing Day Swimmers Plunge Into Sub-zero Water
Enjoying the Boxing Day miracle that prevents sub-zero water from becoming ice

Clinton, Obama Clash Over Race Issue
Democrats torn over which of their two black candidates to support

Cate Edwards Unharmed in Car Accident
Husband John unavailable for comments as he ran off after the ambulance

Chicken Doo Doo Mucks Up Iowa Road
Still don't know why chickens cross the road but we now know what they do while doing it

24-foot snake staying at Columbus Zoo
A 24-foot snake can stay anywhere it wants

Body found with rake stuck in head
Victim fell out of the tree raking leaves



Parents snort as school enforces pig rearing
Parents want to go back to child rearing

Wind damages historic Buffalo tavern
Now Buffaloes have nowhere to go for a drink and hot wings

Twins unwittingly got married in Britain
Has happened before but this is first time for conjoined twins

Bank robber uses drywall for disguise
Posing as a living room failed to fool authorities

Man goes out window with Christmas tree
First recorded case of man and plant eloping


Technorati tag: Humor   Headlines